hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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