we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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