A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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