boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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