it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
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he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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