Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
