is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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