I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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