so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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