Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he thought i was a dude.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
