I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
