genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
