it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
