I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
