my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
