I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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