i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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