living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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