you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
