i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
