You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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