i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
