hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
