When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
