sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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