I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
