I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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