Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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