So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
