Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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