It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Dignity is for republicans.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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