i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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