my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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