walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
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