Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
