If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
