Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(612): View more from Minnesota

he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper

(952): View more from Minnesota

Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?

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(801): View more from Utah

If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street

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(804): View more from Virginia

Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.

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(586): View more from Michigan

I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.

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(607): View more from New York

Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."

(1-607): View more from New York

WTF? Are you mittens?

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