True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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