My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
