quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
