Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I want to be your penis for a week.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
