i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
two words: eviction party
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
