You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
