I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
