Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
