I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
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