I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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