I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
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Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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