I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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