I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
