I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
