that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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