that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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