the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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