My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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