Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
