My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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