guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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