I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
