Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
