but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
