even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
