I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
