Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
