Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
you had me at cake vodka
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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