I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
