I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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